My thoughts
and feelings are a puddle of constant fear and confusion and sadness and
madness and melancholia. I am sick when I feel happy. You’re eating me alive
every time I dare to put a genuine smile onto my face, you skin me open before
taking my flesh out slowly until the pain numbs my soul and my erratic weeping
stops.
And god if
you are real, I wish you would put me to rest in a land where all the sinners
were punished one too many times. I don’t need her anymore, she taught me to
hate myself to the bone, she has eaten my blooming fruits, I am all rotten
inside.
You ate all my flesh, only the bones I have are what is left of the memory of my existence. My soul has been watching you feed yourself with my body for a long time and she’s waiting patiently for her turn to come. Somehow she is crying for the pain I feel
Maybe the rain is her tears coming from heaven, perhaps god felt enough mercy to send her there.
Or perhaps god heard my prayers and sent her to the land where the sinners were punished too many times.